i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
