You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My vagina is officially offended.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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