just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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