i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
