If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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