and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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