I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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