speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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