That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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