Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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