woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
