I love how my cats smell like pot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
