Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize