My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
