I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
