just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
