He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
