were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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