I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize