when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
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A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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