i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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