are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
