Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
