No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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