Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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