I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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