were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
