dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't turn off my feet"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
