i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
