The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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