woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
