So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
