I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
