You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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