Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
