so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
