You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
