He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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