Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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