Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
