After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
