Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
