my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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