real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
