I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
