He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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