I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
