in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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