Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
