If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
