mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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