Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
