I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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