i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
