I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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