I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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