The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
