i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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