my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we made out on top of his cat.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
